influenced by my surroundings

I’m in a tough spot. Emotionally. And I don’t even really want to talk about it because I’ve done a lot of that lately. And I’m tired. Of talking. And tearing up. Everyday. And being frustrated and just spent. Finished. Exhausted.

And everywhere I go, I’m reminded of what’s running through my thoughts. The music that I play on Pandora, the dedication page of the books I rent at the library, the Sunday paper advertisements, the manufacturer of the vegetable brand I sampled, the scent of the guy walking past me at Trader Joes. I feel like I’m on high alert. And I feel like I’m the only one. Am I crazy? Is this what it feels like to be crazy? I swear I’m not.

In the past I remember having maybe three pregnancy scares, and the way my world was 110% focused on putting pregnant ladies in my line of sight, billboards along 35E, radio playing in my car, my stomach feeling bloated, a hint of nausea in the AM.

It’s a mind game. And I hate mind games.

It’s like the world knows your having a tough time with something and does all it can to keep it on your mind. That, or God has a great sense of humor.

So tonight I will journal, and watch romantic videos like this one and go to sleep praying that tomorrow will be a better day.

Please let tomorrow be a better day.
Xo

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2 thoughts on “influenced by my surroundings

  1. Adam Evers says:

    Care about you and support you! Lemme know if you need anything!

  2. ianspin says:

    *hugs*

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