For as long as I can remember, I have kept an invisible inventory in my head. I have never given it a name. I have never written it down. I have only designed it in my mind. The list contains the names of people who I know would come to my side in the case of an emergency, no matter the circumstances, no questions asked. If I got into trouble, I would call one of them and they would hop on a plane, or bail me out, or write the check, or hold my hand. For many years, ever since I have realized what it meant to be a true friend… I’ve had that running list in my head.
Acquaintances from work, high school best friends, family members, people I’ve been fortunate to love and have a part of my life. They would come to me and I would go to them. In the darkest of hours.
I am fairly certain that list has changed a bit lately.
When we were really young, and to this day, my parents talk about doing to others as we would want to have done to us. I truly try to live that phrase. It makes sense. It’s real. It’s raw. It’s truth. When it’s not reciprocated, I start to lose enthusiasm and fire.
I write this with a heavy, confused mindset.
Life is short, I refuse to spend it in an unrequited fashion.